Keeping Sin Out of the Marriage
INTRODUCTION.
A. Of all the blessings which God gave Adam, the greatest blessing was the home. You might say it is the only piece of paradise left here on earth. Sadly, man has hard time remembering this fact. Consider the example of the Israelites. (Matthew 19:7-8; Malachi 2:14-15)
B. In our society, it seems that, as a whole, man still does not appreciate the greatness of the marriage relationship. As a result, many marriages are full of sin and are on the verge of total destruction.
C. It is the purpose of this lesson to show the rules and guidelines for the marriage relationship. We will also show how sin enters into this God ordained relationship.
I. THE RULES REGARDING THE HUSBAND / WIFE RELATIONSHIP.
A. Rules for the husband.
1. Husbands are to love their wives. (Ephesians 5:25-27,33)
a. love - agapao - 1) of persons - 1a) to welcome, to entertain, to be fond of, to love dearly. (Thayer)
b. The husband is to love his wife the way Christ loved the church.
(1) Christ loved the church so much that he put the eternal well being of man above His own eternal comfort.
(2) The Lord made a great sacrifice for the church. Husband should be willing to make sacrifices for their wives.
c. Love your wife as you love your own self.
(1) A man who truly loves his wife loves himself. Remember, the husband and wife are one. (cf. Genesis 2:24)
(2) A man should tend to the needs of his wife as much as he would tend to his own needs. This leaves no room for selfishness on the part of the husband.
(3) Paul says that we are members of the body of Christ. He then quotes from Genesis to show that the man should consider his wife as his own flesh and blood.
2. Dwell with them according to knowledge. (1 Peter 3:7)
a. Dwell with them as the Bible dictates.
b. The husband should view the wife as a weaker or tender vessel. Something to be cherished, treated tenderly, not abusively or harshly.
3. Render honor unto your wives.
a. honor -- time - ...2) honour which belongs or is shown to one 2a) of the honour which one has by reason of rank and state of office which he holds 2b) deference, reverence. (Thayer)
b. Also, something of value -- esteem -- precious.
c. The wife is due this honor, this esteem, this reverence. Husbands are to show honor to their wives.
d. Without exception, the husband is to do his best to always maintain this view of this wife.
4. Do not be bitter towards your wife. (Colossians 3:19)
a. bitter - pikraino - 1) to make bitter...2) to embitter. exasperate 2a) render angry, indignant...2c) to visit with bitterness, to grieve (deal bitterly with) (Thayer)
b. The husband should not treat his wife with anger and bitterness. The wife is a far too precious vessel to treat with such hostility and bitterness.
c. “do not be harsh with them” (ESV)
5. A husband should rule well his house. (1 Timothy 3:4,5)
a. Although this passage is found within the qualifications of elders, the instructions should still be heeded by all men.
b. rule - proistemi - 1) to set or place before...1b) to be over, to superintend, preside over 1c) to be a protector or guardian...
c. How does a man rule well his house?
(1) By leading the family in spiritual matters. (Ephesians 6:4)
(2) By understanding that his rule over the house is ultimately for the good of his house, not for his ego. Knowing that the rule of a man over his own house is compared in part to the rule of elders (cf. 1 Timothy 3:4,5), we can conclude that husbands are not to lord their authority over their family. (cf. 1 Peter 5:2-3) If a man lords his authority over his family, then will he not try to lord his authority over the congregation if he was to serve as an elder?
(3) He is to work to make certain that the family is provided for, protected, and loved.
B. Rules for the wife.
1. Wives are to love their husbands. (Titus 2:4)
a. Love is the first step in a wife following the rules established by God.
b. If a woman does not love her husband, then not only is she setting a trap for the relationship, but she is also sinning.
c. If you do not love the man before marriage, then do not marry the man. If you married before realizing that you do not love the man, then learn to love him.
2. Wives are to submit unto their husbands. (Ephesians 5:22-24, 33)
a. ...submit yourselves (v. 22) - hupotasso - 1) to arrange under, to subordinate 2) to subject, put in subjection 3) to subject one's self, obey 4) to submit to one's control 5) to yield to one's admonition or advice 6) to obey, be subject. (Thayer)
b. ...as unto the Lord (v. 22)
(1) If you will not disobey the Lord, then you will not disobey or reject the headship of your husband.
(2) Obeying the Lord means to obey your husband.
c. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: (v. 23)
(1) head -- kephale - 1) the head, both of men and often of animals....2) metaph. anything supreme, chief, prominent 2a) of persons, master lord: of a husband in relation to his wife 2b) of Christ: the Lord of the husband and of the Church (Thayer)
(2) The husband is the head of the wife. Paul uses the comparison of Christ being the head of the church to show the relationship between the husband and the wife.
(3) The wife should follow the instructions, directions, and lead of the husband.
d. ...so let the wives be [subject] to their own husbands in every thing. (v. 24)
(1) subject -- same Greek word, hupotasso, seen in verse 22 as submit yourselves.
(2) The wife is to be subject unto her own husband in "every thing."
(3) every thing - pas - 1) individually 1a) each, every, any, all, the whole, everyone, all things, everything (Thayer)
e. ...the wife see that she reverence her husband. (v. 33b)
(1) phobeo - ...1c) to reverence, venerate, to treat with deference or reverential obedience (Thayer)
(2) The wife is to have the proper respect for her husband. She is to hold him up, to venerate him, to respect him and obey him.
(3) There are times when the husband, through his actions or lack of actions, may make these feelings very difficult. It is at these times when your love for the Lord must come first and you reverence your husband because it is the will of the Lord.
f. ...submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. (Colossians 3:18)
(1) Submit is from the same Greek word, hupotasso, shown in Ephesians 5:22, 24
(2) The thought of something being fit is something being proper or right. It is proper, in the sight of the Lord, for the woman to submit herself unto her husband.
g. ...obedient to their own husbands, (Titus 2:5)
(1) Submit is from the same Greek word, hupotasso, shown in Ephesians 5:22,24 (subject) and Colossians 3:18 (submit yourselves).
(2) Wives are to be obedient to their husbands.
3. The wife is to be self-controlled (discreet). (Titus 2:5)
a. discreet - sophron - 1) of a sound mind, sane, in one's senses 2) curbing one's desires and impulses, self-controlled, temperate (Thayer)
b. Wives are to exercise self-control in their daily lives. Discretion or self-control is necessary to the wife following the rules and guidelines established by God.
4. The wife is to be pure (chaste). (Titus 2:5)
a. chaste - hagnos - ...2) pure 2a) pure from carnality, chaste, modest... (Thayer)
b. The wife should be chaste or pure in all areas of life, especially when seen by other people. (cf. Titus 2:5)
(1) Chaste in manner of life (cf. 1 Peter 3:2 reads "chaste conversation") chaste -- same Greek word seen in Titus 2:5 -- hagnos. Conversation -- anastrophe - 1) manner of life, conduct, behaviour, deportment
(2) Chaste in dress -- cf. 1 Timothy 2:9,10
(3) Chaste in speech -- cf. Ephesians 4:29
(4) Chaste in action
5. The wife should concentrate upon the inner person. (1 Peter 3:3-4)
a. No corruption
b. Meek and quite spirit.
c. Consider the women of old example. (1 Peter 3:5-6)
6. The wife should be a keeper at home. (Titus 2:5)
a. keepers at home -- oikouros - 1) caring for the house, working at home 1a) the (watch or) keeper of the house 1b) keeping at home and taking care of household affairs 1c) a domestic
b. There are certain responsibilities which are given to the wife. These responsibilities are summed up in the phrase keepers at home.
c. This charge is given specifically to the wife. Should the husband help to keep the home? Yes, because he loves his wife. However, the charge to keep the home was not given to the husband.
II. SINS WITHIN THE HOME.
A. Sin exists in the home when the HUSBAND does not . . .
1. love his wife and treat her accordingly.
2. dwell with this wife with understanding, being understanding of her wants, needs, and desires.
3. render honor to his wife in word and action.
4. treat her kindly, but harshly with all bitterness and anger.
5. rule well his own house.
B. Sin exists in the home when the WIFE does not . . .
1. love her husband.
2. submit to her husband, as she would to the Lord.
3. exercise self-control (discretion) over her words and actions.
4. behave in a pure and wholesome manner.
5. concentrate on the inner person, but instead focuses all her energies on the outward person.
6. tend to her responsibilities as the one who keeps or manages the home.
CONCLUSION.
A. While marriages can be wonderful, there are times when troubles will arise. Husbands and wives must work to make certain that the hard are not caused by sin or do not lead to sin.
B. A husband should look at himself first to see what he can do to make the marriage better and stronger.
C. The wife should look at herself first to see what she can do to make the marriage better and stronger.
D. Keeping sin out of the home is possible if both spouses will determine to love and respect God and His Word first and then each other second.
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Keeping Sin Out of the Marriage -- February 23, 2003 -- File # 2584
by John M. Duvall – Lawton, OK